ILLINOIS DIVORCE LAW BLOG

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Toxic narcissists often use gaslighting in divorce cases to manipulate their spouses and maintain control. Gaslighting—a form of psychological abuse where the narcissist distorts reality to make their spouse doubt their perceptions, memory, or sanity—serves several purposes in this context:
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  1. Power and Control: Narcissists thrive on dominance. By gaslighting, they undermine their spouse’s confidence, making them question their decisions, such as pursuing the divorce or asserting their rights. This can weaken the spouse’s resolve and give the narcissist leverage in negotiations or court proceedings.
  2. Deflecting Blame: Narcissists rarely accept fault. Gaslighting allows them to rewrite events, portraying themselves as the victim or denying their abusive behavior. For example, they might claim their spouse’s accusations of infidelity or emotional abuse are exaggerated or imagined, shifting focus from their actions.
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Parental alienation is often described in terms of three levels or degrees, which reflect the severity of the alienating behaviors and their impact on the child’s relationship with the targeted parent. These levels were notably outlined by  experts like Dr. Amy J. L. Baker. Here’s a breakdown:
  1. Mild Parental Alienation
    • Description: The child exhibits mild resistance or reluctance to spend time with the targeted parent but still maintains a relationship. The alienating parent may subtly undermine the other parent through occasional negative comments, scheduling conflicts, or mild interference.
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Parental alienation is a serious concern in divorce and child custody cases, particularly in Illinois, where courts prioritize the best interests of the child. It occurs when one parent intentionally or unintentionally manipulates a child to reject, fear, or distance themselves from the other parent, damaging their relationship. This behavior can have profound emotional and psychological effects on both the child and the targeted parent, often complicating custody arrangements and parenting time disputes. Understanding how Illinois law addresses parental alienation is crucial for parents navigating divorce or custody proceedings.
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In Illinois, parental alienation is not explicitly defined as a standalone legal term but is recognized as a form of emotional abuse that undermines a child’s well-being. Courts view it as contrary to the child’s best interests, as it disrupts the fundamental right to a loving relationship with both parents. The Illinois Marriage and Dissolution of Marriage Act (750 ILCS 5/) emphasizes the importance of both parents fostering a close and continuing relationship with their child. When one parent engages in alienating behaviors—such as disparaging the other parent, interfering with parenting time, or manipulating the child’s perceptions—the court may intervene to protect the child and the targeted parent’s rights.

Signs of parental alienation include a child expressing unjustified disdain or hatred toward one parent, mimicking the alienating parent’s negative sentiments, refusing visitation without valid reason, or showing unreasonable fear of the targeted parent. These behaviors often stem from actions like bad-mouthing, false accusations, or limiting contact with the other parent. Illinois courts rely on evidence, such as documentation, police reports,  witness testimony in court appointed GALs, or evaluations from mental health professionals, to identify alienation. 
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Many of our clients have initial questions about how the major decisions for the minor children will be made after the divorce is completed. While joint decision making is conceptually ideal, in many cases requiring the parties to make major decisions together can create disagreements, leading to further litigation. In some cases, a major decision like religion is not at issue but matters like the children’s extracurriculars and medical/dental or therapy treatments often create discord among parents.  How does the Court assess whether to award a parent joint or sole decision making for the children?

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The court determines whether to grant sole or joint decision-making responsibility (previously referred to as custody) for minor children based on the best interests of the child, as outlined in the Illinois Marriage and Dissolution of Marriage Act (750 ILCS 5/602.5). The court evaluates several specific criteria to decide whether one parent should have sole decision-making authority or if both parents should share joint decision-making responsibility. Below are the key factors and considerations:

The court often considers the following factors to determine what arrangement serves the child’s best interests:

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A parent seeking resources about divorce and searching for the right lawyer, is involved in a process that is stressful. It’s important to appreciate that an experienced Family Lawyer (such as our firm) along with other resources can make the process manageable and not unduly stressful for the parents or the kids.
Why Divorce with Children in Kane County or DuPage County Can Be Difficult
  1. Emotional Challenges:
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While our firm has strong financial expertise, Michael Roe has always had a strong focus on child custody issues, including complex child custody litigation.
In Illinois law, the term “child custody” has been replaced by “allocation of parental responsibilities” and “parenting time” since January 1, 2016, under the Illinois Marriage and Dissolution of Marriage Act (IMDMA). The shift in terminology reflects a focus on shared parenting and the best interests of the child, moving away from the older, more adversarial concepts of custody and visitation. Here’s a clear breakdown of the differences:
  • Child Custody (Pre-2016 Term):
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Michael Roe has for many years focused a significant part of his practice on Child Custody issues, including Parental Alienation cases. Few lawyers nationally have the background, experience, and dedication to this critical issue in Family Law.  As a long term member of PASG, our firm already looks forward to the PASG meeting this year, with details below.
One Definition of Parental Alienation:
Parental alienation refers to a situation in which one parent intentionally or unintentionally manipulates a child to reject, fear, or distance themselves from the other parent without legitimate justification. This behavior often involves actions such as badmouthing the other parent, limiting contact, making false allegations, or coaching the child to adopt negative views about the targeted parent. In Illinois, parental alienation is considered a form of emotional abuse because it harms the child’s psychological well-being and undermines the child’s relationship with both parents. Illinois courts prioritize the best interests of the child in custody and parenting time decisions, and evidence of parental alienation can significantly influence these outcomes.
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Ilyssa Panitz freely admits she gave up the financial reins when she got married.

“I did not keep an eye on the money, even though I got married later in life,” says Panitz, 54, who lives in Westchester County, N.Y. “My former spouse worked in accounting and I was taking care of the kids, and I figured ‘This is great’.”

Then, after 13 years of marriage, says Panitz, who hosts the nationally syndicated radio show, “The Divorce Hour with Illyssa Panitz,” she told her husband she wanted to split up. And she realized her ignorance about their money situation “was my biggest mistake and biggest downfall. I had the rug pulled out from under me.”

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Feedspot ranks the best Divorce blogs from thousands of blogs on the web and ranked by relevancy, authority, social media followers & freshness.

Feedspot provides tools like keyword alerts from Google News, local news tracking by city or zip code, and one-click sharing options to platforms like Twitter, Facebook, and Pocket, making it a powerful tool for staying informed and managing content efficiently. For businesses or creators, it also offers opportunities to promote content and connect with targeted audiences through its extensive database of influencers and bloggers. Overall, Feedspot streamlines information consumption and supports both personal and professional use cases.

Check out #22 !

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In Illinois, divorcing parties fill out a Financial Affidavit statewide form to provide a clear and comprehensive snapshot of their financial situation during the divorce process. This form is a standardized document that helps promote transparency and fairness when it comes to dividing assets, determining spousal support (alimony), and, if applicable, calculating child support. Illinois law imposes legal duties on parties to complete the form truthfully and to make full disclosures of income, expenses assets and liabilities.  
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The affidavit requires each party to disclose details about their income, expenses, debts, and assets. This information is crucial because Illinois follows an “equitable distribution” approach to dividing marital property, meaning assets and debts are split in a way that’s deemed fair, though not necessarily equal. The financial affidavit gives the court—and the attorneys involved—a factual basis to make informed decisions about what’s equitable based on each spouse’s financial circumstances.
It’s also tied to Illinois law, specifically the Illinois Marriage and Dissolution of Marriage Act, which mandates full financial disclosure to prevent either party from hiding assets or income. Without this form, it’d be harder to verify claims about financial need or ability to pay support, which could drag out the process or lead to unfair outcomes.
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