Through the decades of practicing divorce and child custody law in Illinois, I have encountered the myriad reasons that a spouse or couple is seeking a divorce. In some cases, there are serious behavioral issues that make staying together unhealthy for the marriage, and unhealthy for the children. In a minority of time that people meet with me for a complimentary initial consultation, the issues are fixable…for example, young couples that need counseling to learn how to manage conflicts in a marriage. I always encourage fixable family situations to seek counseling or other behavioral health modalities before initiating a divorce process.
As every relationship is unique and complex, some common reasons for considering a divorce include:
- Communication issues: Ineffective communication can lead to misunderstandings, resentment, and feelings of being unheard or unappreciated. Communication issues are amenable to counseling and family therapy before a divorce is considered.
- Infidelity: Cheating can destroy trust and lead to irreparable damage to the relationship.
- Financial disagreements: Money problems, such as differing spending habits, financial irresponsibility, or disagreements over financial priorities, can strain a marriage. Sometimes, a financial planner can help families organize finances and not let these disputes damage the family structure.
- Growing apart: Over time, people can change and evolve, and sometimes spouses may find they no longer share common goals, interests, or values.
- Lack of intimacy: Physical and emotional intimacy are essential for a healthy marriage. When these aspects deteriorate, it can lead to dissatisfaction and eventual separation.
- Abuse: Emotional, physical, or sexual abuse in a marriage can make it unsafe and unsustainable. Abuse between partners in a marriage can also be very damaging for the children of the marriage that share a household where emotional and/or physical abuse occurs.
- Addiction: Substance abuse or other forms of addiction can strain a marriage and make it difficult for both partners to maintain a healthy relationship.
- Unresolved conflicts: Continual unresolved conflicts or recurring arguments can create a toxic environment and erode the foundation of a marriage.
- Incompatibility: Sometimes, despite efforts to make the relationship work, fundamental differences in personality, values, or life goals can lead to divorce.
It’s important to remember that each divorce is unique, and often multiple factors contribute to the decision to end a marriage. Additionally, seeking counseling or therapy can sometimes help couples address these issues and potentially salvage their relationship.