ILLINOIS DIVORCE LAW BLOG

Articles Posted in Parenting Issues

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Years ago, I helped write and edit elements of Bill Eddy’s landmark book Splitting that offered readers, for the first time, guidance and understanding of personality disorders in the context of a high conflict divorce. Today, Bill continues to educate and help other navigate the difficulties of parenting and divorcing with a HCP (high conflict person).

“In this episode, Megan Hunter dives into the world of high conflict personalities.  Megan takes the opportunity to answer listener questions and provide valuable insights on identifying and dealing with individuals who exhibit high conflict behaviors. Throughout the episode, she offers practical strategies for managing these challenging interactions and maintaining your own well-being. Understanding the Five Types of High Conflict Personalities Megan begins by explaining the five high conflict personality types: those who fear feeling inferior, abandoned, ignored, dominated, and paranoid. She emphasizes that while each type has unique traits, they all share a common pattern of behavior driven by fear. By understanding these underlying fears, listeners can develop more effective approaches to communicating and setting boundaries with high conflict individuals. Navigating Family Dynamics with High Conflict Personalities One listener asks for guidance on dealing with a high conflict family member who acts as an “emotional bully.”

https://youtu.be/NQ03AdVB-uY?si=5bIaoM1v0ujVfaA1

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In Illinois, child custody (now called allocations of parenting time and decision making) can be modified through the courts if there is a substantial change in circumstances that warrants a modification. In general, the modification will be sought after two years has expired from the original judgment, but some cases allow for a modification before two years if the issues presented are serious, or if the changes are moderate and needed to serve the interests of the child(ren).

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Here are the basic steps:

  1. File a Petition in Kane County: The process begins by filing a petition with the court requesting a modification of child custody. This petition should outline the reasons and changes that have occurred in the child’s life or circumstances of the parent(s) for the requested modification, and any supporting evidence.
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For parents anticipating a divorce and child custody (allocation) issues, it’s always useful to go over some checklists, both financial and child-related, to ensure that the needs of the parties and families are met as best as is possible during the pendency of the case.  Once a divorce or separation commences, it can be uncomfortable talking with the school or sports teams about the divorce, but it can be helpful and supportive to the minor children when teachers and coaches are aware of possible changes in the child’s behaviors or affect or emotional health.

CHECKLIST FOR DIVORCING AND DIVORCED PARENTS

1. As soon as possible, inform the school of a divorce so that school personnel can be made aware of your child’s emotional support needs.

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Most of the cases that we manage at Law Offices of Michael F Roe are complex cases, sometimes involving serious issues with child custody, and often a HCP (High Conflict Personality/Parent). Within these divorce or parentage cases the courts in Illinois follow a pattern of addressing the issues of the best interests of the minor children in terms of where the child(ren) with live primarily, and what allocation of parenting time and decision making will be awarded to each parent. Mediation, while mandatory in Illinois, usually is not effective in these complex cases. More typically, the court will initially appoint a Guardian ad Litem to investigate the circumstances of the parents and the family and give recommendations to the court on allocation of parenting time and decision making.

Practice Pointer: The role of the GAL in a child custody (allocation) case is important, but in my view, it must also be kept in mind that the role of a retained clinician (custody evaluator) is equally significant and important in a complex child custody case. As valuable as GALs are, they do not possess the clinical experience and psychological education as evaluators (most custody evaluators have Ph.Ds in psychology, or the equivalent). Many times, a good GAL in tandem with a good custody evaluator gives the Court the ability to capably assess and evaluate the best interests of children in a complex custody case. 

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In this article, I discuss the role of a ‘guardian ad litem’ in Illinois.

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A big part of my Firm’s approach to divorce law practice is helping clients navigate communications with a High Conflict Personality (HCP).  Many times, the Court will order that the parties limit communication to online monitored platforms like “Our Family Wizard” or “Talking Parents,” but regardless of the platform, difficult, angry, offensive or high conflict narratives can emerge in this messaging from one side. Too often the impulse is to respond in kind, but this kind of like-kind response is almost always counterproductive. Bill Eddy is a longstanding expert in managing High Conflict personalities, and one of his most popular methodologies for managing communications with a HCP is the following:

KEY POINTS

  • Brief: It helps to keep it to one paragraph, three to five sentences.
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Bill Eddy’s High Conflict Institute always has great information in the field of managing High Conflict Personalities in the context of divorce and Family Law cases.  It is difficult, if not impossible, to manage some people that present as High Conflict; often these people have traits of personality disorders that make their behaviors and communications toxic.  As is pointed out below, the HCP (High Conflict Person)  is not going to change, but you as the stable and rational party can always choose how to respond.  One element that the article does not mention is the benefits to using a third party, such as a skilled Parenting Coordinator, to intercede in conflict situations, and allow the rational person to retreat to the safety of the Parenting Coordinator, instead of arguing or fighting with the HCP.  In other words, if the HCP wants a toxic fight, don’t reward the bed behavior. Choose better ways to manage HCPs, and preserve a bit a tranquil space for yourself and the children.

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The 4D’s of High Conflict Divorce

1. Disengage: You are in conflict with your child’s other parent because their words and actions negatively trigger and affect you and your children. And, like most parents, you will do anything to protect your children form harm – physical, verbal and emotional. If you take the time to sort through your triggers and plan a strategy for how to cope when triggered, you will be putting yourself (and your children) on a path for healthier conflict resolution.

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How Will Temporary Court Closures Due to COVID-19 Affect Family Law Cases?

Many clients of our firm are asking this important question: What is the immediate impact on my case if my courthouse is closed for weeks or months, starting right now?

It has been only since last Friday that the various counties in Illinois announced via email and posts on their websites that the courthouses were to be closed for about 30-45 days, while the COVID-19 pandemic works its way through Illinois. Many of our cases were set for important hearings with our judges in March and April, and now these cases will have to be reset. Some will be reset by the courts, and others are being reset by agreement with opposing counsel.

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” Top Divorce Law Blogs

We ranked the top divorce law blogs based on website authority, inbound links from other sites, and Twitter followers. The following blogs are regularly updated to provide valuable information on divorce law and insights into a career at a family law firm. ” 
Illinois Divorce Law Blog 28 5.02 66 5

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Reading up today on divorce planning, the reminder was made that the summer is often the time that many people postpone thoughts of divorce. The reasons for this are many. Business during the summer with activities takes the attention away from difficult subjects like divorce. For many parents, it’s just enough making sure that the kids are having a good summer, and that summer trips or vacations are being taken before the kids go back to school.

Even if you are already decided that you wish to file for divorce, there are a number of things that you can do to make the eventual decision easier. None of these steps are disruptive, and the you and the children will enjoy the summer without thoughts of disruption or change. Here are a few themes to focus on during the summer:

1. Understand your financial position. It’s important to have access to financial records during the divorce process. It can be helpful to try to assemble as much of this information as is possible, so that when you meet with our office. we can have a general discussion of financial planning in the divorce process. Take a look at http://www.illinoiscourts.gov/forms/approved/divorce/financial_affidavit.asp in order to review the form that is now universally used in Illinois divorce cases as a guide for the lawyers and judges is assessing the financial condition of the parties.
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Questions come up from time to time about how parents are treated in Parentage cases ( where the parents are unmarried) vs. in a divorce case. Should fathers for example, be treated differently in a child custody case if they are not married to the mother of the child or children?  The answer in Illinois, fortunately, is no.  The Illinois Parentage Act borrows and connects with the Illinois Marriage and Dissolution of Marriage Act (IMDMA) and utilizes in Parentage cases the same child custody statutes that are used in divorce cases.  These days, parents are no longer awarded “custody,” but are awarded “allocations of parenting time.”

In a New Jersey case, the Parentage courts were expected to decide child custody issues in a speedy fashion, and it seems that this expedited approach robbed some fathers of the right to have a full hearing over child custody issues. A recent case there made the news, as the appellate court decided that the rules for parentage cases should follow the same rules and due process afforded in a divorce case.  Here’s a summary of that case for those interested in the details:

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If the custody or parenting time of a minor child is at issue before a court, should the legal process differ depending on whether the parents of the child at issue were married?
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