ILLINOIS DIVORCE LAW BLOG

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How to Recover from an Affair Involving Borderline Personality Disorder

By Tommy (http://youmebpd.com/)

The feeling of pain and betrayal that an affair causes is something I would wish on almost no one, but when you add in the addition of borderline personality disorder it throws in a whole new set of variables. Our particular story is one that has a lot of mitigating circumstances, but that makes it no less painful to go through. In June of 2011 I lost my wife (at least that is what it felt like). June, 2011; I checked my wife into Prairie St. John’s facility in Fargo, ND for depression and manic behavior. She went into the facility a loving wife, devoted mother and successful business owner. She spent the first night there crying asking to be sent home to her family. She was met with doctors telling her that if she did not stop crying, asking to go home and start taking all the medicine they had for her that they would hold her indefinitely.

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Experienced divorce practitioners have come to develop ideas about certain issues or triggers that can cause the contested divorce process to spiral into chaos or high costs. I have my own ideas about these triggers, one of them involving the parties believing that more negative conflict and more “bomb throwing” leads to better results. “Pit bull” reckless behavior by litigants or lawyers only raises costs, elevates stress, and usually results in the judge developing a chip on her shoulder against the litigant. The art of divorce is much like the Art of War…employing experience, creativity, and sophisticated strategy is the pathway to good results. That’s my opinion, and now let’s hear from another lawyer’s perspective:

By Diana Mercer

” When I have friends who are getting divorced, and they ask me for advice, here’s what I tell them. The real deal, the confidential, back-channel skinny. Beyond legal advice, which they can get anywhere.

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A Father posted this photo from his Son. If anyone wonders why Illinois needs statutory presumptive shared parenting, or why competent and loving Fathers are necessary to the daily lives of their children, this picture tells a thousand words:

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Tips to co-parenting after divorce

Byline: Our Family Wizard Software

After a divorce, the idea of communicating with an ex may seem near to impossible. While dealing with that person is the last thing you feel like doing, trying to build an amicable relationship with that person is the best thing you can do for your children. Here are a few helpful tips to co-parenting after divorce:

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byline: Dr. Jeff Gardere:


Divorce can be one of the most stressful events in life, second only to a spouse dying. In fact, a divorce can become such a complicated and nasty affair that many people have joked that a spouse dying is a less stressful event because at least you don’t have to fight the deceased in court!

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The point to be made here is that during this time of stress and duress we are no longer thinking with our brains, but instead with our hearts. Normally a pure heart will win the day, but a heart which is ruled by the pain, sadness and anger of a divorce will exhibit pure emotion — often in an illogical and dangerous fashion.

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Sydney Morehouse, 13, of Omaha cries in Lincoln, Neb., Wednesday, Feb. 6, 2013, as she tells the Associated Press how hard it is to only get to see her father every other weekend and Wednesday nights following her parent’s divorce.

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Omaha resident Gary Owens pounded the table and raised his voice Wednesday as he testified before Nebraska lawmakers, demanding they pass two bills that could allow him to spend more time with his son.

A coalition of fathers, doctors and family-law attorneys is asking lawmakers to change a Nebraska parental custody law that they view as unfair to men.

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Post holiday stresses can lead to divorces being initiated in the New Year. Unfortunately, for many couples that means planning separate lives. Lawyers even refer to the first working day in January as “Divorce Day” because so many people begin legal proceedings to end their marriages at this time, but ministers are urging couples to seek an alternative to “traumatic”, drawn-out and costly courtroom battles.

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They want bickering husbands and wives to consider using third-party mediators. Opting for the mediation route takes a quarter of the time that going through the divorce courts does and can be eight times cheaper, according to the Ministry of Justice.

“All too often money is wasted on expensive and traumatic court hearings that can take far too long to resolve,” said Lord McNally, the family justice minister. “And that is why we want to help people to use mediation, a quicker and simpler approach which brings better outcomes.”

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