ILLINOIS DIVORCE LAW BLOG

I was involved in a child custody matter recently that was becoming difficult to settle, for a number of reasons. I represented the Dad in the case. One of the reasons for the impasse was the wife’s refusal to consider joint custody. I had prepared a detailed Joint Parenting Agreement that was a healthy and proper plan for the parents and the children of the marriage, It was rejected.

Here’s what occurred. Shortly before trial, I took the wife’s deposition. In the deposition, I began to inquire as to her reasons for refusing a joint parenting agreement, pointing out to her examples as to how she and my client had communicated and worked together on recent medical and school issues involving the children.

What developed in the deposition was an appreciation that she had never accurately understood what joint custody in Illinois meant. She told me that she refused to share the time 50/50 with the children with her then-husband, but she offered that she was completely OK with making him a part of every decision in the children’s lives She affirmed that he is a good dad, and should be equally involved in the major decisions.

Illinois attorneys and the Illinois legislature are now studying changes to Illinois’ Marriage and Dissolution of Marriage Act. One of the goals of the review is to, perhaps, bring Illinois into the 21st Century by reforming the way we resolve custody issues, as well as revising the language of custody. What changes would you like to see in our Illinois dissolution and custody statutes?

I’d certainly like to see the concept of “custody” relegated to the dustbin of history. Mom and Dad are parents…why not enact legislation that defines parenting as a shared relationship? Isn’t it almost always true that the non-custodial parent hates to have what is called “visitation?” When does a parent become a visitor? How many custody wars have been fought over who would be relegated to “visitor” status?

Minnesota attorney and mediator Molly Millet discusses below changes that Minnesota made in 2007: “The biggest change in Minnesota that has been helpful is the perception of “custody.” Before, parents would fight over the custody label – who got custody and how that related to child support. Now, it’s “parenting time.” Now, parents are focusing on time with their kids, rather than a legal label.It also takes both spouses’ incomes into account. If you earn twice as much, you will pay more. It didn’t make any sense before. Let’s say Mom worked and Dad lost his job. He was paying child support, and the calculation didn’t in any way take into account Mom had always earned more than Dad. Also before, expenses were split 50-50 regardless of who made what income. Now, in most cases, it’s split proportionally.”

Shared parenting laws introduced by the Howard government in 2006 do not guarantee divorced fathers the right to a 50-50 time split with their children because (as the article argues) such an arrangement is not always in the best interests of the children.

Instead, the legislation requires the Family Court to “consider” whether equal time with both parents suits a particular child, and can decide that in some cases it does not.

The Australian last week reported that fathers are overwhelming staff at the new Family Relationship Centres, where all separating parents must now go before approaching the Family Court, demanding to know why they can’t have a 50-50 time split with their children.

1. Talk to your children about your separation.

Studies show that only 5 percent of parents actually sit down, explain to their children when a marriage is breaking up, and encourage the kids to ask questions. Nearly one quarter of parents say nothing, leaving their children in total confusion. Talk to your kids. Tell them, in very simple terms, what it all means to them and their lives. When parents do not explain what’s happening to their children, the kids feel anxious, upset and lonely and find it much harder to cope with the separation.

2. Be discreet.