ILLINOIS DIVORCE LAW BLOG

BPD is a devastating disorder-both for the person who has it and their family members. Partners often find themselves becoming isolated, losing both family and friends to the craziness and jealousy that sometimes comes with living with a BP partner.

The Effects of Isolation
Isolation is an extremely powerful weapon. It can be used to break people down, causing them to lose hope, self-esteem, and even their individuality. It is effective and swift.
It very unlikely that your partner is consciously using isolation as a tool to get what they need. But it doesn’t matter. It works just the same.
Following are some questions to help you determine if you have become isolated:

· If so, is it because your partner insisted you stop visiting others, was jealous of other friends, or made threats?
· Would you be embarrassed if people knew about your private life?
· Are there absurd “rules” you must follow that you would never tell anyone? For example, one BP was furious at her husband because of the way he chewed. So for the next 15 years of the marriage, he ate in the kitchen. His children thought all fathers ate in the kitchen and were surprised to learn it was different at their friends’ houses.
· Have you made large sacrifices for your partner that have taken you away from friends and family for a long time? For three years, one husband worked two jobs and took care of their three children by himself to avoid “stressing” his BPD wife. Yet at a group therapy session, she angrily claimed he had done “nothing” to support her in years.
· Do you feel so responsible for your partner that you avoid leaving the house?
· When was the last time you made a new friend, took a class, went to a movie your partner didn’t want to see, or took a day trip out of town?
· If you’re on the phone when your partner comes home, do you quickly hang up to avoid answering questions about the call?
· Do you avoid contact with members of the opposite sex when you’re with your partner so you won’t be accused of wanting to have an affair?

Credit: Randi Kreger www.BPDCentral.com Continue reading →

Technology has improved many aspects of divorce practice and helping families adjust to parenting in two separate households. One example that I think of immediately is the use of ‘virtual visitation,” that is, using high speed internet connections to permit video and audio contact with low conflict parents not able to visit in person with their children. This type of visitation is appropriate in very low conflict divorces with parents that actively support the other parent’s active parenting, and in cases where the nonresidential parent lives a great distance from the children, and is otherwise unable to “visit” the kids consistently in person.

Technology has now come to the Coping and Caring” classes required of divorcing parents in DuPage County, according to the DuPage Family Center:

The Caring, Coping and Children Co-Parenting class is now available online!
Your clients will now have the option to take the course over the internet or in person. Both options have been approved by the 18th Judicial Circuit and meet the State requirements for parenting education in divorce cases.
Continue reading →

Child support is an important feature of divorce and parentage actions. The primary residential parents needs the financial support from the non-residential parent. The non-residential parent typically pays 20% of net income for one child, 28% for two children, 32% for three, and so on.

Often, the party paying statutory child support suffers a change of work circumstances..he or she is fired, laid off, or suffers an illness or injury that causes them to lose work. Paying on a support order then becomes impossible.

When a party paying on an order of support suffers a change in circumstances that he or she did not cause, the payor party must then file a petition to abate (interrupt) or modify the prior support order. Support orders are like runaway trains..they just keep on moving unless stopped, and it’s not enough to lose your job and hope to come to court a year later to expalin why you couldn’t pay support. The court will require that the unpaid support be paid back, even though your job loss was not your fault.

In Blisset v. Blisset, 123 Ill.3d 161, 526 N.E.2d 125 (Ill., 1998), the parties attempted to enter into an enforceable agreement whereby the mother waived her rights to future child support from the father in exchange for the father waiving his future rights to visit with the children. The Illinois Supreme Court held that the agreement was not an enforceable waiver between the parents since the parents were attempting to “bargain away their children’s interest.” Blisset, 123 Ill.2d at 168, 526 N.E.2d

The Blisset parents seem to have formed an agreement to bargain each other away. Dad essentially disappears from the lives of his children (and Mom), in exchange for Mom giving up her claim to financial support of the children. This is a very negative arrangement on many levels, and it’s not surprising the Court determined that an agreement like this is not consistent with Illinois’ best interest standard and public policy.
Continue reading →